I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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