My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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