Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
