I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
