Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't just leave with hair like that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
