honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
