We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
