i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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