my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
