I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
