I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
