OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
