A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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