Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
