We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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