She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
