I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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