so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's shark week go big or go home
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
