sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
