She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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