shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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