Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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