I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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