I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
