Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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