She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
