he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
