I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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