There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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