just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
