I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
