I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
