then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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