Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
