You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish my penis had a tongue
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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