I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
