Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
