normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
