Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
