I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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