You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The power of my boobs compel you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
