Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want nice things and good sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
