Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
