True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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