Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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