hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
