i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
