Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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