he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
