My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
