If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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