Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
